Blitherings
A Brief History of Violence

Once upon a time, I worked at a cold storage facility filled with idiots. If there are two things that drive me to distraction, it’s cold temperatures and idiots. As you can imagine, I wasn’t in a very good mood most of the time.

There was a large population of temp workers. Everyone started out as a temp and then got hired on full time after 90 days if they didn’t suck. One of the temp workers was an annoying fuck. One day, he threw a wadded up ball of plastic wrap at me. It happened to hit me in the nose just right so that it hurt. I responded by throwing what happened to be in my hand. Unfortunately for him, I was holding a mid-sized pocket knife at the time.

I threw the knife relatively gently, in a high arc, rather than assassin style. It came down and hit him point first in the hip. It must not have hurt much because he bent down and picked up the knife and then, as he was handing it back to me, exclaimed “Oh shit, that was open!”

He then undid his pants to find a small trickle of blood running down his leg. Our supervisor was rather confused when he came out of his office and discovered the temp standing at the first aid box with his pants down.

The next day, he got fired and I was hired on full time. Whoever said that violence isn’t the answer clearly hadn’t taken the test.